To say that
it's been a while would be an understatement. A few things actually brought
about this post. One, was a conversation that I was having with a friend about
why she stopped writing. She said that she wrote when she had all these musings
in her head, but when she got into a relationship, her significant other was
like her 'vent-box' so the need and want to write decreased.
That made me
think. Is that what happened to me as well? Being so transparent with my
emotions to others that I didn't need an outlet to reflect upon my own
emotions, thoughts and actions?
Another friend
of mine brought up the fact that when it comes to appealing to the certain
senses, there are many people who are very visual, but I could potentially be
one who's more into reading. He also introduced me to a different platform
where people write all different types of thoughts, emotions and fantasies in
all ways. However, not quite sure if that's for me.
Regardless,
there's been a concoction of emotions inside of me, and the fact that it’s
so volatile makes it more frustration. Perhaps the below is the best way to
describe it.
‘Don’t know how
to swim?’ You said, “Jump in and I’ll catch you.”
“Don’t believe
in love?” You said, “Try, and I’ll never let go.”
Took a deep
breath, shivered and somehow managed to stutter it out.
Felt like even
with layers of clothing, I was naked. Vulnerable.
Still, here I
am, going around in circles in my own head
Thinking about
you oh-so-often. So frustrated. So tired. So confused.
Was it worth
it?
Hold me, give
me all the love and attention I need want.
Don’t cajole me;
don’t smother me.
Don’t over bear
me; don’t over shadow me.
Before you
came, there were boundaries and you treaded on gently.
Why are you trying
to push your way in now, or so it seems?
Stop. Just
stop, and let me be.
I want you, and
don’t at the same time.
Let me stay in
my own mind.
In my own life.
I have my life
and you have yours.
Don’t over bear
me; don’t over shadow me.
I’m a part of
yours, and you’re a part of mine.
That’s all that’s
there to it.
Don’t stretch it.
Don’t push it.
I refuse to
give in completely.
I refuse to give
myself up.
I refuse to indulge
in such banter.
I refuse to
keep myself in this state.
That’s it. I’ve
decided.
It’ll stop. I’ll
stop it.
No more
weakness.
No more such thoughts.
No more wants.
Just deep
breaths.