Monday, January 19, 2009

White lies are not as harmless or little as they seem.

Right, it's been a while hasn't it?

Well, I want to wish everyone a belated Happy Christmas and New Year.

A few days ago, well, it was an interesting day; I’ll give it that.
I met two people who I was slightly looking forward to meeting- Shiran and Puneet. Ah, yes. Their names had to come sooner or later. I refuse to disclose my opinions about them though considering the world is full of tattle tellers. If you want to know the truth or an opinion, it’s best to ask the person themselves instead of risking the chance of more misconceptions. The plan obviously didn’t go how it was suppose to - at all. Seriously- it didn’t. Then again, I shouldn’t have thought it would either because, well, it’s my life. Things never go as they’re planned in my life.

So things have been going on in my life lately. Reality has been mixed up with my identity and I’ve been all over the place lately. Trying to hold up to someone’s expectations. Trying to hold off the harshness of reality for just a bit longer. Seems like it hit me like a typhoon all at once yet again. Of course I wasn’t expecting anyone to be there when I needed them. If I did have such expectations, I would have been let down more than I already was so I’m not as disappointed and I suppose that is a good thing. What one must do, though, is never give up the hope that they hold; even if it’s just a little hope. The small hope one has in humanity just might make all the difference in the world. Not only for you, but for the other person as well.

I truly haven’t changed; I know that much; I’m just torn apart between a few of my thoughts and opinions. Sometimes I want to feel a specific emotion, but I can’t get myself to feel that way because of the small barriers that have been set up. I suppose now I do know why 7 months ago, when my friend chatted with me, she told me this: No matter what you do, try to never revert back to how you were in grade 6. Well, I don’t think I was so bad really, just different. Really different. So I’m like the seasons of the world; I change every few months. I do, really, it’s just that nobody notices because the changes are so minute. This time on the other hand, I haven’t changed, not much really. I haven’t. I’m just scattered all over the place and yet at the same time I’m trying to pick myself up. I’m just trying to fix back the lyrics of my life that had broken apart. As I said, though, it’s simply a phase and I haven’t changed. However, nobody seems to believe me. I don’t care anymore though as justifying myself seems to just be a waste of my time lately. All one must do, though, is put their assumptions aside and look deeper. That’s all.

I read my entry once again just now- a habit, it seems- and I truly do feel like erasing this post because it seems completely pointless to me, but I shall not erase this post because I feel like I owe this website at least one post as to inform everyone out there that I’m still existent in this world.