Friday, June 12, 2009

εveryone wants to be нappy; ηobody wants ρain, but you can't have a яainbow without яain.

The clock was ticking; she could hear it, anxious as each second passed by. She had rushed through almost everything; she knew it, but she couldn’t help it as her mind seemed to almost be elsewhere. There was half an hour left for her to stare at the clock; even though she knew that it wouldn’t make it go faster, she had nothing else to do. The echo of the older female was heard and she shut her eyes, saying a quick little prayer as she turned, eyes meeting with another girl’s. They left, bit by bit and as she left, realization dawned upon her. It had been completed at last and there was nothing to stop her now. The corners of her lips were raised as she let out a yelp of happiness, not being able to contain her emotions any further. People were shocked, surprised, excited and some were even in tears, but what mattered was that it was over.

So besides that little excerpt really. Do you think I should stop those things? They’re just random little ramblings or writings one could say. Anyhoo~

I’m done. I’m finally done. Done with seeing the same annoyed faces of those teachers and arrogant faces of those students. Done with being put down by people who aren’t worth it. Done with the silly drama. And I’m done; absolutely done with continuously studying and trying to memorize three years worth of portion.

So to speak; I have officially completed the 2009 IGCSE: International General Certificate of Secondary Education. Whether I faired well or did bad, I have no idea really. Sadly, at the moment, everyone in my house is sleeping so I’m unable to celebrate in the way I want to. What would you expect? It’s the morning of a weekend. And my friends, well, they’re busy doing their own things I suppose. But that doesn’t matter. Everything seems to just be such a blur. The only thing that is stuck to my mind is the fact that I am now free. Free in the sense that I don’t need to have my nose in my textbook for 11 hours trying to figure out how to do mole ratios or anything of the sort. Instead, I can split those 11 hours and spend them on my family and friends. Now doesn’t that sound much better? Of course it does.

I simply can’t get it out of my system- the excitement and the happiness. Perhaps it just hasn’t completely sunk in yet; the fact that I might not be in this school next year; that I would have to settle into a new environment all over again, that there would be a small possibility of losing my friends in the process. But hey, what the heck? Does it really matter? What one needs to do right now is nothing but just enjoy the moment. The moment and the mood they’re in at that time. And at this very moment I’m totally and utterly hyped up and wanting to stand on top of a mountain and scream my lungs out. Which, of course, isn’t exactly possible for my in reality, but it’s alright. I’m just hoping that my hyper-ness doesn’t die out too soon.

I never thought I’d say this, but I haven’t a clue what to do. I don’t want to wake up my parents and spoil their sleep. I don’t want to disturb my friends as they must be busy. I want to get some rest and refresh myself, but at the same time I don’t want to because when I wake up, my emotions might change and the situation might as well. I want to settle down and watch My Girl or Coffee Prince, but my internet refuses to cooperate with me, so that isn’t exactly possible either. I want to go out, but I don’t have a license nor do I have a place to go. So you see what kind of a problem I’m in? I can’t exactly call it a ‘problem’ since it’s minor and rather silly, but still. I don’t know what to do.

Ah. Memories. Confusion. Fights. Misunderstandings. Thoughts. Debates. Lessons. Critizing. Breaking up. Making up. Understanding. Being random.




I’ll give it that much- this year sure has been interesting and eventful.

Monday, June 08, 2009

♦Spinning through a world of obligations wanting nothing more than to be Free♦

It had been nothing but a simple question. An innocent simply question that had no hidden intentions behind it, but that question itself started it all. A sharp pain crossed her heart as tears began forming at the corner of her eyes. As the loud voices and clash continued, she bit her lower lip feeling undeniably helpless to the situation. Everything had been going so smoothly- the conversations, the teasing and the smiles, so what had turned it into this? The entire room was filled with silence, but the atmosphere was still so tense and almost tangible- she could cut it with a knife if she had one. Tears threatened to fall as she heard the footsteps leading away from her. And then, they fell.

That, of course, has absolutely nothing to do with what I’m to write in this entry. Honestly. Atleast I don’t think it will. Not this time at least. This entry, though, is short compared to my other entries. How sad.

This entire month was to be reserved for exams and for studies, that’s true. Or atleast they were only suppose to be reserved for that, but something else got added into my agenda. Gaining knowledge about life and God. Rather unexpected topics they were really, but the topics were extremely interesting I found. Things about fate, the soul, religion, God.. And they were things that I never knew about before too. The thing that really left an imprint in my heart for now, though, was when someone told me “You are a part of me.” And that person(X) has never admitted that before- out loud atleast. So that really left me in slight shock. Another person(Y) did tell me that that person (X) was simply making up things and didn’t mean it, but I didn’t care.

So this was something I wrote a bit ago, so it’s a few months old. Recently, I haven’t been in the mood to write anything huge. This isn’t really a poem, it’s more of an excerpt or, rather, just a rambling or thought of a sort.

Three simple words needed to bring a smile.
Three simple words to bring a frown.
Three simple words that end a novel.
Only three simple words.
Just those three can bring the world.
Just those three can break one's heart.
Just those three can pull the cords
Merely but three little words.
Not much they are.
Just a few syllables.
But the affects are great
For just three little words.

-Your question might then be- what are these three words then? Well, that is for you to figure out.

It’s rather frustrating sometimes because no matter how much I study, how much effort I put into something, things just refuse to work out the way I want them to work out. I was talking to my mother a while ago about the changes I’ve gone through and the few things that have happened. So from there, I did realize that I have changed which was quite the sadness for me because, well, most of them aren’t the way I it should have been.

It’s not really a complete change though since there are still times that I’m torn between who I was, who I am and who I want to be. Then again, that’s simply too much trouble, so I’ve decided that I shall just be what I am. Why should I over think things and overcomplicate things? I should just move along with a clean heart and a steady and pure mind; that’s all. And just by being myself.