Tuesday, March 10, 2009

It All Just Depends On Which Side of The Coin You Look at

Now, about the picture. No, it isn't like I've changed my mind or anything of the sort. I simply liked the picture, it's cute. Okay. So I really like this picture. Don't ask xP. Now this post might be completely pointless, try not to get too irritated.

See, the problem is that I want to write and I want to blog, but I've been having a major blog block. Or maybe it's just the fact that I want to write so much, I have no idea where to start- or end, for that part. Let's just stick with the fact that my creativity has just died off.

So, to begin, lots had been happening in my life in just a short amount of time. 2009 started off with a bump and then the road just continued to get even more rough. I, of course, did keep my hopes steady, but there's a point to when it starts decreasing. And then, knowing me, it comes back again.

It’s like I am going through a mid-life crisis, i think. When, all of a sudden, nothing seems good to me. i am so distracted all the time. By the hints of possibilities. But, as usual, i refuse to open the door when opportunities knock. Why am i so laid back?

I need to realize that it’s a big deal, that it matters. Forget my heart, forget emotions, forget all those silly things that don’t matter anymore. I just need to realize, to concentrate, to think. Alas, if only things were that easy. I do realize it, I know the truth and I do have the will. The only problem is that that determination, that will; after awhile, it starts fading away. Either that or I get so caught up in something else. Yes, basically I want to be stressed, I want to be determined because if I am all that, I know that I’ll be able to do it and my persistence can overcome those little things that keep popping up.

No matter what I say, that hope, that faith, those small little expectations, I just can’t stop them from coming. That just might be one of my flaws, but to be pessimistic, put a bit more in something, is it so bad? Yes, I do realize that in my last blog entry I had mentioned that I shouldn’t have expected anyone to be there when I needed them. But just that one time- mind you, I didn’t need anyone; I’m not that desperate- I simply wanted to hear someone’s voice. Anyone’s voice that would atleast snap me back into reality so that I wouldn’t be so dazed as to walk so aimlessly and lost as to almost crash into a car. At that time, it was me who was thinking “Stop the Earth! I want to get off!” What a thought, right?

The wind of depression still blows in my life. All i need is to shut the window that lets in this wind. But i am stuck – can’t even summon the will to laugh genuinely. I don’t even feel like using anymore energy to close to window and block it all out. It seems that all I have to do for now is use my own power and strength to fight against the wind and make it through.

Seems for now, it’s just I, me, myself all over again.