Saturday, December 17, 2011

║ Those Rusted Chains of Reality║

Can you blame me if my mind is filled with irritation and rage? How would you feel, indeed, if your parents had a completely different image of you? If you were trying to portray an image of one who you were not, and they conceived a different image, then it’s a different story altogether. However, if you’re just being your real self with no hidden intentions; while being completely pure, you’re being accused of atrocious things- well, it’s not really such a justified thing then is it?

In my opinion, that’s basically what happened to me. To be honest, I’m the type who loves things told to me bluntly. Sure, I might be a bit taken back by one’s words because that’s quite natural, especially when it comes to an insult, but honest words are just that way and I can’t change them. However, when they’re utter nonsense, what am I to think in return?

It’s ridiculous- especially when I replay any of their words in my mind. What do they want from me, I’m not sure anymore. I try, in almost everyway to try to make them happy; it seems now I’m slipping up from that in some departments. Is it because I’m drifting off a bit away from them and becoming a little independent? Funny, I always thought that it was a good thing.

Just when I thought one thing, and started to admire one, because of such an incident, my respect for that person would slip. How can you even think of me as such a person? I might not be the brightest person on planet earth, but I’m not the stupidest. I might be tempted to get carried away at times, but sometimes I just want to be stuck in a dream; is it necessarily a bad thing? Perhaps so. But my feet still remain on the ground as I know what I want- I know what I’m doing, for the most part. All my decisions might not be right. I might not be perfect. I might not be ideal daughter, but can’t you just cut some slack for me? When it comes to something like that, I’ve tried to push all my thoughts and tried to suppress my voice, but it’s so hard to when your words are filled with nothing but presumptions and rubbish.

Nevertheless, here comes a crossroad where I have to weigh people who are important to me, who are my priority- versus my own judgement and stance in life…

                Wish I didn’t have to pick because either way, I feel like I’m going to be losing something, or worse—someone.