I haven't updated in forever, it's something that I'm guilty of and it's because I haven't had time. Yes, believe it or not, I- Richa- have not had time to blog on this website (or any website, for that matter) Actually, before I came to
Okay, okay. So I fully admit that the 32 or so days I've been in
I also realized that I'm a complete idiot. A total idiot. But that's a story for later. Or perhaps not? Mm, we'll see. I simply find it hard to believe that my feelings. My feelings were manipulated and taking advantage of. See? That's why I say- this love and mushy stuff, this caring for each other- it's all fake or nonexistent. With all the things I've seen,well, I'm not sure how to actually believe in them, can you blame me? And god. Good lord. Just because my feelings were taken advantage of, my life is almost totally officially messed up. And it's true- no matter what anyone says. Even if they tell me to study harder or something to that extent, it's hard to believe that the results will be changed because, perhaps, that certain person will ruin everything again. Apparently, feelings are a weakness. A big weakness. But I knew that of course. I simply didn't think that someone close to me- or someone who was suppose to be so close to me- would do something like that and literally lead me to my 'doom'(then again, this word is so over-rated, so perhaps I should put something along the lines of 'the fiery pits of..' Ha. )
And then..I had another thought, like I always do. Why should I change myself for another person? Why, of course I shouldn't. That would be the simple answer, but when you're in such a situation that I was and still am in- it isn't exactly that simple. Ha, the irony- really. More on this later as my thoughts are jumbled up due to a movie that we watched a few hours back. I should write about the movie too, but as it's 4 in the morning, I think I'll pass.
Note: This entry was made on August the 2nd, but as I had no internet, I was not able to post this up. A more updated entry shall be written when I have more time.
5 comments:
Hey Cha,
I was really worried after I finished reading your post, because I care for you and I hope that everything will be fine soon. If you want, you can tell me whatever is wrong and I'll try to help you out as best as I can.
See, I know life gets us all down, but it doesn't mean that our feelings are weaknesses, no! They are just human emotions that you cannot stop from feeling, and no matter how much you ignore it, you know quite well that deep down, you still feel them, and they are stored in your subconscious. You're a human and it's normal to feel. Do not stop yourself from feeling all the emotions in life. Life is too short to pass out on things, be they good or bad. You have to learn, experience it to really mature as a person and to learn for the future. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.
Hope you're all good now. I miss you <3
-grins- Yeaah. =P I'm honored- I didn't think you'd be reading my blog as soon as I posted it. Naah. It's all cool; that was a while ago(like I mentioned in the post) Now things are just..-laughs- Forget it. It's all cool, really. Annnd I know that I can tell you anything because you are that awesome.
Ah emotions, emotions. I truly do agree with you on all that, but I can't help but wonder if sometimes, if I just stopped on 'em..if everything would just be better..
Are you kidding me? I visit your blog everyday -almost- to check for updates. It's good to know your thoughts, you know.
Anyway, it really wouldn't be better, trust me. Because if you become so used to always -not feeling-, there will be a time when you'll become numb inside. You won't be able to feel even happiness, and even if true happiness touches you, you'll never know what it feels like. Now that iwll be really sad, don't you think? And frustrating too. Trust me, I know this from experience. It's not a good feeling.
Are you back in Dubai?
-laughs- Thanks, thanks.
Have you ever felt nothing before? Like when everyone around you is happy or sad and you're just emotionless? -shudders- It feels strange, I tell you. I suppose it might be frustrating, but if you don't know what you're missing out, how could it be?
Aw..No, but you're not an emotionless person. No matter what you say and think, you have feelings and meotions and everything...even if it's fake or whatever, I still believe there's a bit of it that's real.
Noope. I'm not in Dubai yet. I'm going to be back..on the 28th(or was it the 29th?) By the way, what date does our school start? I'm in deepppp trouble, school wise. -groans-
See, this is where I'm bad at explaining. I have felt happiness, and emotions before, but to a certain extent, atleast for the happiness, (because it's kind of alien to you) you don't feel it that much. Negative emotions are constant, and your brain is familiar with it. So it's much easier to feel them even though you're numb. And yes you're right, you do feel emotions and feelings, even if you're numb. But to a certain extent. It's hard to explain how the human mind works you know, it's all so unpredictable. One moment you're feeling, and the other moment, you're just like, NOT, y'know?
Post a Comment