Go! Go! Feel the Power Which Is Locked Within You.

Looking back on my old blog posts always tends to bring a smile on my lips as I compare them to how things are now. How things have changed, how situations have changed and how I have changed. I'm not the kind who walks into the room and blares out that she has changed, but I know internally that I'm in the transition state of that and I've already changed in plenty of ways. Of course, some negative and some positive.

I believe that every thought we think is creating our future. Each one of us creates out experiences by our thoughts and our feelings. The thoughts we think and the words we speak create our experiences. We create the situations and then we give our 'power' away by blaming the other person for our frustration or emotion. It might be just a small idea or thought, but once it's there. It's there. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it's almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed, fully understood. That sticks in your head and refuses to get out until get it out in some form-whether it's verbally or physically.

One of the revelations being, after going through a few things in life. We’re not prisoners of walls, we’re prisoners of our own fears. And that type of captivity is much worse. We can’t even imagine how we could break free. All we know is that we’re facing an obstacle we can’t overcome. We take that obstacle for granted, we accept it, we even think we deserve it. By shame, by guilt or by social pressure. Until we can’t stand it anymore and take the courage to kill our own fears. Every time you kill one of your fears, something will go away from you too. Hopefully, the negative part of it-- like the guilt or depression that's dragged along with the fear. So don't just say "I can't"or "it's too hard"-- why to get over it. Try to kill and overcome that fear and obstacle. You're not the only one in the world going through it.

So, I played four of my most favorite Japanese songs with headphones on and listened to them while singing along. It felt fantastic, to say the least. Surprisingly, although I hadn't heard the three songs in a really long time, I managed to sing the words and pronunciations almost perfectly while taking a glance at the romanji lyrics here and there. Especially when it came to this one song which used to be my absolute favorite song from all the Asian languages there are existent though. Singing that song did not only make me feel happy, but peaceful and wonderful. For some reason, when it comes to these songs, it doesn't matter whether I haven't a clue what the singers are singing about in particular. The tone of their voice, the way their voice flows over the words and the pronunciations of certain things-- it's like you don't need to even have a translator to understand the emotions and what they're trying to portray by the song. It's marvellous.

Never Back Down Because The Hurdles Are Higher Than Your Physical Height- They're Never Too High For Your Internal Strength.

Hey guys. So, I’ve been kinda stuck in my head lately. And it’s not always that fun. And it’s getting insane. I’ve pretty much been consumed by the internet, for the past 3 months. I feel like I’m just losing time- have no idea how time’s going by like this. In June, I had preoccupied myself with going out as much as I could. In a way, I was escaping everything that I shouldn’t have escaped, but it was alright because it was satisfactory. And I don’t regret it. In July, I toned down my outings and tried to be with my family more, but I didn’t spend at much time in my thoughts like I should have. But anyhoo- that’s beside the point. I wanted to blog today considering it’s been a while. So here I am now.

So. I try to avoid sleeping. Perhaps it’s because it’s a habit or maybe it’s because I think that if I sleep, I’ll be wasting my summer vacation. I mean otherwise I could be watching another episode of a series, chatting with a friend, reading a book—doing something. However, sleep is necessary. What I’ve realized though, is that I love sleeping, but going to sleep is something that’s definitely not on my list of ‘happiest things to do’—not that there is a genuine list in the first place.

Raksha Bandhan is tomorrow. For those who don’t know what is it, it’s a hindu festival which basically celebrates the relationship between brothers and sisters. The festival is marked by a sister tying a holy thread called a rakhi, to the brother’s wrist. The brother, in return, offers his sister money or a gift and says that he’ll protect her and all (whatever he wants to really). And the sister gives the brother sweets—mainly methai(which are Indian sweets). And he feeds her some too, traditionally. So the thing is that we celebrate it every year and all, so it’s usually pretty cool, but the thing is that I’m slightly more excited for it this year because it’ll be the first year in plenty that both my brothers will be here with me. Granted, my older brother shall only be there till the afternoon as he has other things to attend to, but his presence—for a few hours even—is satisfactory enough for me.

So I was thinking this a few days ago- like 1-2 days ago actually, considering I went to Diyafah for admission and things didn’t work out there. Considering the grades I got in my AS level examinations (which would have made an extremely depressing blog post) I’m not all too sure whether I’ll get admission into my current school . Now see, I would like admission into my current school because life would be more convenient for me. Granted, my teachers would be all disappointed at me, but that’s a different story. So what if I don’t get admission into my current school. Then what? Obviously, my life shaln’t be over. I could do all my subjects privately (although it would be quite demotivating and enhance my laziness) or I could take up a fulltime job for one year somewhere and earn some money. Both options seem to be more tempting than just rotting at home, don’t they? Of course they do because I’ll actually be somewhat productive if I chose to do any of those. So, yes, my life won’t be over.. But I’d still prefer if I got admission in my other school.

So yeah, that’s it for today basically. I did have plenty to write about considering I hadn’t updated in like quite a while, but because of the time, I think I shall continue on another time. After all, I'm supposed to wake up early tomorrow so that I could have a head start on things.

What Do I Do When The Broken Wind Vane Can No More Show Me The Directions?

This post is technically for the 24th or 25th of June but I didn't have access to a computer at that time, so I just jotted this one a piece of paper. I thought it'd be nice to transfer it over here, to my blog. After all, that’s what my blog is for, right? My thoughts, my emotions, my rants- basically everything that’s mine. I wanted to put a banner up here stating that people who take offence should probably not read my blog, but I’ll probably just do that another time. And yes, I take no credit for the title this time since Naina made it for me, considering that my creative juices are extremely low at the moment.

If you have friends who don’t understand you or the situation, what’s the point of having them? I cancelled the plans I had with one because I needed to go out with family. That person should understand, but instead, in return, I receive a hate SMS while that very person ignores my calls and messages. I tried. I honestly did in every manner that I possibly could. It was then that realization moment struck me. I’m better than that. Why should I bow down so much, to the extent that it’s easy for someone to kick me down again? What I was before, when I arrived at this country, was an amazing person with tons of optimism, hope and light. Now things are different, I realize that. However, I still want to keep a huge piece of my true self intact. I refuse to throw away my prioritizes or give away my true self just to fit in or be cool. Why should I anyways? So then I figured that it’s his loss because I’m absolutely sick of this.

And then, it was her. I thought that maybe she could understand and help me out a bit. Things were going haywire over here, but I was never the one to holler out for help—well, rarely. So I sent a simple text message to her to help me with a task. Instead of a “how are you” or “are you okay” or anything of that sort, as a reply, I merely received a declination. I thought she, from all the people, could realize something was wrong from the vocabulary/words I had used in the message, but perhaps I was expecting too much in the end after all.

There were two more incidents that occurred as well- two incidents I wasn’t expecting to occur. The whole thing made me rethink things a little bit more. Do I even have any genuine friends after all? What is the meaning of genuine? Am I expecting too much from this country? Am I expecting too much from human beings? Is it possible to get what I want anymore? Am I started to become too selfish? Should I even bother anymore? So many questions of which I have yet to find the answer for.

εveryone wants to be нappy; ηobody wants ρain, but you can't have a яainbow without яain.

The clock was ticking; she could hear it, anxious as each second passed by. She had rushed through almost everything; she knew it, but she couldn’t help it as her mind seemed to almost be elsewhere. There was half an hour left for her to stare at the clock; even though she knew that it wouldn’t make it go faster, she had nothing else to do. The echo of the older female was heard and she shut her eyes, saying a quick little prayer as she turned, eyes meeting with another girl’s. They left, bit by bit and as she left, realization dawned upon her. It had been completed at last and there was nothing to stop her now. The corners of her lips were raised as she let out a yelp of happiness, not being able to contain her emotions any further. People were shocked, surprised, excited and some were even in tears, but what mattered was that it was over.

So besides that little excerpt really. Do you think I should stop those things? They’re just random little ramblings or writings one could say. Anyhoo~

I’m done. I’m finally done. Done with seeing the same annoyed faces of those teachers and arrogant faces of those students. Done with being put down by people who aren’t worth it. Done with the silly drama. And I’m done; absolutely done with continuously studying and trying to memorize three years worth of portion.

So to speak; I have officially completed the 2009 IGCSE: International General Certificate of Secondary Education. Whether I faired well or did bad, I have no idea really. Sadly, at the moment, everyone in my house is sleeping so I’m unable to celebrate in the way I want to. What would you expect? It’s the morning of a weekend. And my friends, well, they’re busy doing their own things I suppose. But that doesn’t matter. Everything seems to just be such a blur. The only thing that is stuck to my mind is the fact that I am now free. Free in the sense that I don’t need to have my nose in my textbook for 11 hours trying to figure out how to do mole ratios or anything of the sort. Instead, I can split those 11 hours and spend them on my family and friends. Now doesn’t that sound much better? Of course it does.

I simply can’t get it out of my system- the excitement and the happiness. Perhaps it just hasn’t completely sunk in yet; the fact that I might not be in this school next year; that I would have to settle into a new environment all over again, that there would be a small possibility of losing my friends in the process. But hey, what the heck? Does it really matter? What one needs to do right now is nothing but just enjoy the moment. The moment and the mood they’re in at that time. And at this very moment I’m totally and utterly hyped up and wanting to stand on top of a mountain and scream my lungs out. Which, of course, isn’t exactly possible for my in reality, but it’s alright. I’m just hoping that my hyper-ness doesn’t die out too soon.

I never thought I’d say this, but I haven’t a clue what to do. I don’t want to wake up my parents and spoil their sleep. I don’t want to disturb my friends as they must be busy. I want to get some rest and refresh myself, but at the same time I don’t want to because when I wake up, my emotions might change and the situation might as well. I want to settle down and watch My Girl or Coffee Prince, but my internet refuses to cooperate with me, so that isn’t exactly possible either. I want to go out, but I don’t have a license nor do I have a place to go. So you see what kind of a problem I’m in? I can’t exactly call it a ‘problem’ since it’s minor and rather silly, but still. I don’t know what to do.

Ah. Memories. Confusion. Fights. Misunderstandings. Thoughts. Debates. Lessons. Critizing. Breaking up. Making up. Understanding. Being random.

You.

Me.

Us.

I’ll give it that much- this year sure has been interesting and eventful.