So it wouldn’t have made a difference even if I didn’t write another entry, but after reading my friend’s blog, I said to myself- ‘why not’? I mean, I haven’t in a while, right? This time, though, I shall be writing with absolutely no topic in my mind. Do remember that this is a post of my thoughts for a total of four entire days. So I’m wondering whether to split my thoughts in two different posts or not. In the end, though, I decided against it.
I went back to school today and got my grades and, I’ve got to admit, seeing the grades in reality was rather horrible. It was completely my fault for the grades, of course, but- on the other hand- am I really capable of doing more? I wonder. It seems like everyone has extremely high expectations of me; even strangers. Oh dear.
If you read my previous post, you’ll see that I mentioned that I know the truth. Guess what? It turns out that all that I knew and all that I trusted- it was all a lie. Or at least most of it was. It hurts as to even think about something like that because it seems like the one shoulder that I mostly relied on, even though it was unintentionally, has disappeared. Gone. Just like that. Now you see the value I have in a person’s life? Exactly.
I know now. The truth is the truth and nothing can change that. The fact that I don’t even know the truth itself is rather confusing, but that’s okay. I just need to accept what I know. And what I know is that I have to improve myself and block them out. I have to just stay true to myself by keeping a clean heart and having faith in God. There’s no point in changing myself or letting another person obtain the right to leave a scar on my heart. No point at all because they don’t deserve it. Of course; things are always easier said than done.
So did I mention that I really want a tablet laptop? I mean they’re so amazing. Okay, so the only thing that’s so brilliant about it is the fact that you can directly draw on the screen with a stylus so that the picture, but still. That itself. I find really cool. Okay, so I'll admit it; to be honest, I really do miss drawing. Drawing those outfit designs, those eyes, those headshots, those freebies- I do. But there's always another time for things like those.
So these two movies- August Rush and The Secret; they sound seriously amazing and I really want to watch them. You know, some actors act so well, it’s like you actually dislike or like them because of their personality- because they can portray it so well. It’s just amazing- the effort, the time, the way that they do it. I mean how people don’t appreciate the characters- even if they’re the evil one- I don’t understand.
So I was thinking about some things; some extremely random things and I couldn’t get myself to study because my mind seemed to be filled with them. I don’t like it, I really don’t, but I thought I’d get them out; maybe I’d be able to concentrate then. Mainly, it’d just be a whole bunch of rambling.
So the strangest idea ever came to my mind today- how about being a wedding planner? I know, it’s like the furthest thing from what you’d expect from a person like me, but I’m unexpected. I truly am, I just attempt to blend it sometimes. And guess what? It usually works. I know, I know. I don’t believe in love or marriage or this and that, but really- think about it. It’s a unique job. And, well, read on.
Now this idea, quite a few things inspired them, but it’s not important. It’s more like you get to see the happiness of the couple. You get to basically make their perfect wedding and you get cash. See? Two in one. And best thing is probably- well, besides the cash- is the fact that it’s a social job.
Plus, if the couple broke up, I wouldn’t feel guilty because I know it wouldn’t be my fault due to the fact that I would just be setting up their wedding; I’m not the one who would be getting them together like a matchmaker or something of the sort. Strange thought, isn’t it? But it’s been on my mind for nearly three hours now.
I remember how it used to feel like when I felt like I was truly the special person. Like you know being special that person to that other person. His voice was constantly in my head and it was maddening and, somehow, it didn’t seem to be like it was reality. Strange. The same ordeal had been playing in my head for quite a while before I confronted myself with the issue; what was wrong with me? Turned out, it was nothing at all.
People use others a lot. They manipulate a lot. I have a nature not to use others, to be honest. So I’m wondering, is that a bad thing? I mean, ideally, it is a good thing to have a good nature, but in this kind of world, even goodness seems to question itself. I really can’t manipulate or use people; it’s totally not in my nature and I just can’t. I mean I haven’t even tried it, so I wouldn’t really know what it feels like, but I’ve seen people do it so clearly and it seems terrible really. But those people are the ones that, ironically, “rise” in life. Ah, the ways of life.
Wow, I’ve written quite a bit, haven’t I? Okay, more than just a bit, but I think you get the point. I wonder if anyone got past the first two paragraphs. If anyone reached till this point, thank you very much for reading this entire post although it was completely random and contained nothing that made any sense.