To Be That Plastic, Barbie Is Probably The Best Role-Model. And She’s Not Even Real or Animate.

I don’t like people who degrade or insult their friends in front of others. Even if I had to correct you or insult you, I wouldn’t do it in front of everyone else because their image of you would be lowered. I believe that friends and family have similar points in plenty of ways. I mean when you’re talking about your family to other people, you wouldn’t expose all of their flaws and their issues, would you? It’s pretty much the same case when it comes to friends, according to me. Why do you have to insult your friends in front of others anyways? To show that you know your friends better than others? To lower the standards of what other people think of your friends? To higher the mental standard of what other people think of you?

So it’s not like I don’t want to be all active and social, but if it means being like them, no thank you. I’m the kind who can’t compromise her morals for anything. Flattering adults endlessly. Being overfriendly to people of the opposite gender. Pretending to be interested and hanging onto every word an acquaintance says so intently. Plastering a smile on your face and making sure that it remains that way the entire day regardless of the actual state of your emotions and heart. I’m sorry, but there’s no way I can do all of that and debase my true self that badly. To me, it just seems absolutely senseless and idiotic for someone to compromise their true self, personality or mindset just because-they want to be friends with everyone, want people to ‘follow’ them and be on their side or want to be a people pleasure.

Which brings me to my next point. I really don’t understand how people can fake their way through everything. Even though they’re miserable and depressed inside, they smile like fools pretending that everything is okay when it’s definitely not. How stupid indeed. Do they think that just because they pretend to be happy that they’re actually going on be happy later on- that things are actually going to be all dandy at the end? If so, many people out there are quite delusional. They’re clearly living in a fairytale world because things do not work that way- not in reality at least. What’s the point of smiling from the outside if you’re gloomy from the inside anyways? It's not like it's going to make you internally feel any better.

Which brings me to my next point. I really don’t understand how people can fake their way through everything. Even though they’re miserable and depressed inside, they smile like fools pretending that everything is okay when it’s definitely not. How stupid indeed. Do they think that just because they pretend to be happy that they’re actually going on be happy later on- that things are actually going to be all dandy at the end? If so, many people out there are quite delusional. They’re clearly living in a fairytale world because things do not work that way- not in reality at least. What’s the point of smiling from the outside if you’re gloomy from the inside anyways? It's not like it's going to make you internally feel any better. I do understand that people are against others pitying them, but then you don’t need to explain everything to them. Simply show you true emotions, who you are and what you are. That itself is good enough. And honestly, it’s not that difficult. After all, the best judge is life is yourself and God- not anybody else.

Sick of being here, there and everywhere. No more philosophy. For now.

Wow. It seriously has been a while, hasn’t it? Honestly, I’ve been wanting to blog since such a long time, but there was a huge of problem which I couldn’t overcome—I had no internet and, obviously, without internet there’s no way I can blog. Since last blog entry, lots has happened, it’s unbelievable. My life seems to be more eventful than a movie I tell you. And I’m not over exaggerating- although I do wish I was.

My father went to India a week or so back and the very day he reached India, I caught a fever. It wasn’t a minor one either as I had a temperature of 103. I came back from school dizzy, shivering and with a fever. Let’s just say it was not a good combination at all. I didn’t do anything that day except sleep of course. Or at least I tried to sleep, but I was feeling really uneasy. Perhaps it was because of the fever or because of something else I just couldn’t place. Then we got a call in the middle of the night when all of us were trying to sleep- a call from my uncle. Yes, it was quite the surprise because my uncle usually doesn’t interact with my mother and he was calling her on her cellphone. More than anything, what was unexpected was the news that was conveyed through the phone call.

Yes, it seems like my grandmother- my father’s mother- had passed away a few minutes after midnight [India time, of course]. She was going through a lot of pain and she was really weak. Not to mention she was quite the aged woman, but my logic didn’t work against my tears. What could I do? A mix of the news and my fever was not exactly the best combination there was. Nevertheless, I stayed strong because I was really worried about my father more than anything because it was his mother and also because he was alone in India. My mother texted my older brother in the states telling him the news about my grandmother and the news shocked him a lot as well.

Then again, my Chemistry test was absolutely because of my emotional and mental state at that moment .I found out that I, apparently, can’t concentrate very well with such a fever. And the results of my test really did bring me down. It’s like I re-found a whole bunch of new guilt that was stored in the corner of the cupboard. But that’s over. It was a few weeks back and now things are settling down although it feels weird to stay that I have only one grandmother left and nobody else. Things are stable now and we’re all fine and recovered. We’re strong. We know that it’s better that she was put out of her misery instead of staying on this Earth and suffering so much. Not to mention that she did live her life and tried to enjoy it. And my dad- who loved her so much- was there for her till the very end and I believe that was really appropriate.

So my fever was running for an entire week- 10 days to be exact and it was not pretty. I’d had headaches, stuffy noses, dizziness- the package. I, of course, refused to go to the hospital since I was sure that my fever would diminish and it did eventually. Actually, towards the end the fever started to turn into a cough. A really horrible cough. And to be honest- that cough is still somewhat there, but I’m perfectly fine now. For the most part at least. My little brother on the other hand? Not so much. Yesterday he got really sick. And I mean really sick and he’s getting better, but not by much. His fever is like the people’s moods here. It’s FLYING up and down constantly. We can’t tell whether he’s getting worse or better and the reason for the weird changes in his body. I only pray and hope that he gets better quickly.

To be honest, my original plan was to write more and to write a longer entry. Not because I owe anyone anything because I don’t. It was because I really wanted to, but something happened. As usual, my train of thoughts got interrupted and my flow of writing just stopped. The emotion and state of mind I was in changed and I couldn’t continue with the very same topic. Granted, I could have just moved on to a separate topic, but if I need to do that I’ll probably just write another blog entry. Just to make it more organized. Or something to that extent at least.

•|°|• Predictable storylines, Garish Makeup and Lots Of Scheming •|°|•

My superb friend, Arfa, did not only succeed in making me feel guilty but also in urging me on to blog. I do realize that I haven’t blogged in about three weeks and I apologize for that. What can I do though? Time is ticking and not stopping for anyone, whether it be you or me.

Insane plots, bright makeup, scheming in-laws, coy daughter-in-laws and children who are too big for their boots—does it sound familiar to you? Yes, it is the basic and common features of Indian soap operas.

Many people, mainly woman, are hooked onto these soaps. They are far from reality and a great escape route for the people as it can take them into the fantasy world where they can forget their worries for a few moments.

Then comes the downfall- many become obsessed with these serials, forgetting that it’s a make-believe world. And also, some get inspiration from it. Not the inspiration that leads you to do something good either. It might influence one in a bad way bringing them to be suspicious to anyone who does anything good without any hidden motives.

They have a ridiculous plotline—not to mention an extremely predictable one and they show violence, physical intimacy that drags on and diminishing family values.

In my opinion, it’s rather sad actually because I know quite a few people who are hooked onto such shows and it’s just pathetic. Don’t get me wrong; I do respect their interests and such but when you know exactly what’s going to happen during the next 6 episodes, why would you ignore your child for those days, sit in front of the television and watch those very episodes from Monday to Saturday? Perhaps someone could explain it to me because I seriously don’t understand it.

Now don’t get me wrong; it’s not like I haven’t watched it before. I refused and used to loathe them- the Indian soap opera. The word ‘used’ is wrong since I still do still date, but my mother convinced me into watching a few of them. I used to dread the clock turning its’ big and small needle to the 6 because I knew as soon as it reached 6:30, it would be ‘drama time’ and I definitely wasn’t fond of it. However, to accompany my mother, I used to sit there and watch the characters on the television commenting on how silly their actions were and what was going to happen next and guess what—it did happen.

Till date, even if I do watch it, it’s simply to accompany someone else since it makes them happy. How could I give up a chance to making someone happy? Ah, the downfall of being me, but that’s beside the point. Now I’ve made myself clear to my mother and my father telling them that I cannot tolerate any more cheesy scenes or any more of the character’s nonsense so I have stopped—absolutely stopped watching these Indian soap operas.

Your Lies Drop Like Acid Rain, Burn My Skin and Reach My Heart

So it wouldn’t have made a difference even if I didn’t write another entry, but after reading my friend’s blog, I said to myself- ‘why not’? I mean, I haven’t in a while, right? This time, though, I shall be writing with absolutely no topic in my mind. Do remember that this is a post of my thoughts for a total of four entire days. So I’m wondering whether to split my thoughts in two different posts or not. In the end, though, I decided against it.

I went back to school today and got my grades and, I’ve got to admit, seeing the grades in reality was rather horrible. It was completely my fault for the grades, of course, but- on the other hand- am I really capable of doing more? I wonder. It seems like everyone has extremely high expectations of me; even strangers. Oh dear.

If you read my previous post, you’ll see that I mentioned that I know the truth. Guess what? It turns out that all that I knew and all that I trusted- it was all a lie. Or at least most of it was. It hurts as to even think about something like that because it seems like the one shoulder that I mostly relied on, even though it was unintentionally, has disappeared. Gone. Just like that. Now you see the value I have in a person’s life? Exactly.

I know now. The truth is the truth and nothing can change that. The fact that I don’t even know the truth itself is rather confusing, but that’s okay. I just need to accept what I know. And what I know is that I have to improve myself and block them out. I have to just stay true to myself by keeping a clean heart and having faith in God. There’s no point in changing myself or letting another person obtain the right to leave a scar on my heart. No point at all because they don’t deserve it. Of course; things are always easier said than done.

So did I mention that I really want a tablet laptop? I mean they’re so amazing. Okay, so the only thing that’s so brilliant about it is the fact that you can directly draw on the screen with a stylus so that the picture, but still. That itself. I find really cool. Okay, so I'll admit it; to be honest, I really do miss drawing. Drawing those outfit designs, those eyes, those headshots, those freebies- I do. But there's always another time for things like those.

So these two movies- August Rush and The Secret; they sound seriously amazing and I really want to watch them. You know, some actors act so well, it’s like you actually dislike or like them because of their personality- because they can portray it so well. It’s just amazing- the effort, the time, the way that they do it. I mean how people don’t appreciate the characters- even if they’re the evil one- I don’t understand.

So I was thinking about some things; some extremely random things and I couldn’t get myself to study because my mind seemed to be filled with them. I don’t like it, I really don’t, but I thought I’d get them out; maybe I’d be able to concentrate then. Mainly, it’d just be a whole bunch of rambling.

So the strangest idea ever came to my mind today- how about being a wedding planner? I know, it’s like the furthest thing from what you’d expect from a person like me, but I’m unexpected. I truly am, I just attempt to blend it sometimes. And guess what? It usually works. I know, I know. I don’t believe in love or marriage or this and that, but really- think about it. It’s a unique job. And, well, read on.

Now this idea, quite a few things inspired them, but it’s not important. It’s more like you get to see the happiness of the couple. You get to basically make their perfect wedding and you get cash. See? Two in one. And best thing is probably- well, besides the cash- is the fact that it’s a social job.

Plus, if the couple broke up, I wouldn’t feel guilty because I know it wouldn’t be my fault due to the fact that I would just be setting up their wedding; I’m not the one who would be getting them together like a matchmaker or something of the sort. Strange thought, isn’t it? But it’s been on my mind for nearly three hours now.

I remember how it used to feel like when I felt like I was truly the special person. Like you know being special that person to that other person. His voice was constantly in my head and it was maddening and, somehow, it didn’t seem to be like it was reality. Strange. The same ordeal had been playing in my head for quite a while before I confronted myself with the issue; what was wrong with me? Turned out, it was nothing at all.
People use others a lot. They manipulate a lot. I have a nature not to use others, to be honest. So I’m wondering, is that a bad thing? I mean, ideally, it is a good thing to have a good nature, but in this kind of world, even goodness seems to question itself. I really can’t manipulate or use people; it’s totally not in my nature and I just can’t. I mean I haven’t even tried it, so I wouldn’t really know what it feels like, but I’ve seen people do it so clearly and it seems terrible really. But those people are the ones that, ironically, “rise” in life. Ah, the ways of life.
Wow, I’ve written quite a bit, haven’t I? Okay, more than just a bit, but I think you get the point. I wonder if anyone got past the first two paragraphs. If anyone reached till this point, thank you very much for reading this entire post although it was completely random and contained nothing that made any sense.

It definetely wouldn't be a secret anymore if it was told.

So I was tagged by Arfoosh and I shall do what it requires:

-The Rules are:[copied and pasted!]
~ Link to the Blogger who tagged you.
~ In your blog, post The Rules and...
~ Six quirky but unspectacular factoids about yourself
~ Tag six other bloggers by linking to them
~ Go to each person's blog, and leave a comment that lets them know they've been tagged.
~ Let me know you've done this tagged post too!

----> Putting eyeliner is an extremely hard task for and on me because I keep twitching due to the fact that I feel like the person is on the verge of poking in my eye. Neither can I put eyeliner on myself. I suppose we weren't meant to be.
----> If and when I'm addicted to the song, I'll constantly listen to that only song so that I can get it out of my system. That or sometimes I just try to listen to other songs so I can get that song out of my head.

----> I love going to shops and trying on differerent outfits and taking random pictures. And at times, I prefer winbow shopping to actual shopping. Ands I love going to stores/shops/ places with people, but almost never by myself.

----> I usually understand most things or people, so when I don't, it frustrates me to no end and I must figure them/it out no matter what. For example, a Maths problem that I should know, I will keep trying to solve it until I figure it out. Or a person that is interesting whose thoughts or feelings/emotions I can't figure out.

----> My dreams and/or nightmares are so realistic most of the time that sometimes I can't tell them apart from reality and can't get myself to wake up from them and it takes a person quite a lot of energy to wake me up then.

----> I have a birthmark on the back of my left hand and I'm proud of it because it's a unique feature that separates me from the next person. There's a story behind this actually.

Only after I finished this list, I got 2 more of these facts in my head, but as it doesn't require anymore, I'll spare you guys.

I tag:- Ruby, Nainou, Mari, Arfoosh and whoever else feels like doing this

The 10th post.

I got tagged by Arfa to post a few random facts, so that's exactly what I shall do.

My handwriting changes often depending on what position I'm sitting in and which pen I'm using.
In the supermarkets, I can't stand to see the dead fish.
I mean come on. They're like staring at you and taunting you about their death.
If that made any sense, that is.
I'm a huge people person and love social events/crowds/parties
I might be a bit too pessimistic at times
Sometimes I wish I had contacts.
My moods can change in a fraction of a milli-second.
I get tanned very easily
I would love to travel all around the world.
Especially in airplanes.
Since I just love them for no apparent reason.
Perhaps it's the atmosphere.
Or the games.
Or the music.
Or the food.
Or the pilot and the airhostess.
But I just love travelling in planes.
Dreams. I am obsessed about my dreams.
Or even my nightmares.
I find my them highly amusing.
I find them more entertaining than many shows.
It's probably because I have an extremely huge imagination and they turn out to be very bizzare
At times, it isn't that good.
I also like to remember them and write about them.
But 2-5 minutes after I wake up, I tend to forget about most of it.
I like texting more than I like to talk to people on the phone.
I have a big hate for smoking.
No, that does not mean that if you smoke I will immediately hate you.
I just hate the idea of smoking and everything related to it.
Many people find it surprising as I'm from the States and I've never ever had a puff.
Actually, I'm never planning to either.
You know something else people find surprising?
The fact that I've never had a boyfriend.
Now it's not like I haven't had the chance to get one.
I was just never interested in that sort of a relationship.
And I still am not.
Right- sorry to disappoint you guys.
I tend to tease most of my friends.
I find it amusing and fun.
But I don't like it when others tease/call them names/annoy them
I know lots of songs, but I usually never know the singer or the band.
Even if I like the band, I don't go so much into detail as to know each member's name and lifestory.
The first thing I notice about a person would probably be either their eyes or their hair.
I have wavy hair currently.
I used to have straight long hair.
I want it back.
After this haircut, I'm not planning to cut my hair for a long time
I hate all indian TV dramas. I find them really really annoying and stupid.
I will not sleep before 9PM until I'm extremely tired.
And that's rare.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I took comas instead of science.
I take pride in being different.
I wouldn't like to be 'like everyone else'
How boring does that sound?
Like every other person, sometimes I do wish I was in their place instead of being where I am.
I am arguementative.
I won't back down.
I'm a tiny bit rebelious.
I cannot hold grudges.
Unless the person has person has affected me in a very strong way
And that's an extremely rare thing.
Almost all my actions and opinions have a reason behind them.
They aren't formed out of thin air.
My hope in humanity is starting to slowly fade away.
I wish to learn more about different cultures and religions.
I find them really fun and interesting.
I also love experiencing new things and food.
I adore roller coasters.
Especially the huge ones.
They make me smile.
I tend to give nicknames to people.
But usually only to the ones that I usually am around.
I'm extremely talkative.
It's rare to find me quiet.
But that usually means that I'm either caught up in my own thoughts.
Or something happened a while ago and my mood is just a bit off.
But I get back to normal soon after that.
I tend to be sarcastic.
It hurts people sometimes.
But old habits do die hard.
I'd rather take a picture.
Than be in it.
Just because I find myself as the subject of the picture to be boring.
My first impressions of people are almost always right.
And they don't change unless something very drastic happens.
My first impressions to other people tend to suck.
Probably because I refuse to show myself ahead of time.
Not in the U.A.E at least.
But once I get closer to them.
I believe I can start to trust them.
Unfortunately, the trust tends to break just moments later.
Ouch.
I love making people smile and laugh.
It makes me feel as if I've actually done something.
I like fresh squeezed juice more than the ones you buy in the supermarket.
Not because they're healthy.
Because they actually taste good.