White lies are not as harmless or little as they seem.

Right, it's been a while hasn't it?

Well, I want to wish everyone a belated Happy Christmas and New Year.

A few days ago, well, it was an interesting day; I’ll give it that.
I met two people who I was slightly looking forward to meeting- Shiran and Puneet. Ah, yes. Their names had to come sooner or later. I refuse to disclose my opinions about them though considering the world is full of tattle tellers. If you want to know the truth or an opinion, it’s best to ask the person themselves instead of risking the chance of more misconceptions. The plan obviously didn’t go how it was suppose to - at all. Seriously- it didn’t. Then again, I shouldn’t have thought it would either because, well, it’s my life. Things never go as they’re planned in my life.

So things have been going on in my life lately. Reality has been mixed up with my identity and I’ve been all over the place lately. Trying to hold up to someone’s expectations. Trying to hold off the harshness of reality for just a bit longer. Seems like it hit me like a typhoon all at once yet again. Of course I wasn’t expecting anyone to be there when I needed them. If I did have such expectations, I would have been let down more than I already was so I’m not as disappointed and I suppose that is a good thing. What one must do, though, is never give up the hope that they hold; even if it’s just a little hope. The small hope one has in humanity just might make all the difference in the world. Not only for you, but for the other person as well.

I truly haven’t changed; I know that much; I’m just torn apart between a few of my thoughts and opinions. Sometimes I want to feel a specific emotion, but I can’t get myself to feel that way because of the small barriers that have been set up. I suppose now I do know why 7 months ago, when my friend chatted with me, she told me this: No matter what you do, try to never revert back to how you were in grade 6. Well, I don’t think I was so bad really, just different. Really different. So I’m like the seasons of the world; I change every few months. I do, really, it’s just that nobody notices because the changes are so minute. This time on the other hand, I haven’t changed, not much really. I haven’t. I’m just scattered all over the place and yet at the same time I’m trying to pick myself up. I’m just trying to fix back the lyrics of my life that had broken apart. As I said, though, it’s simply a phase and I haven’t changed. However, nobody seems to believe me. I don’t care anymore though as justifying myself seems to just be a waste of my time lately. All one must do, though, is put their assumptions aside and look deeper. That’s all.

I read my entry once again just now- a habit, it seems- and I truly do feel like erasing this post because it seems completely pointless to me, but I shall not erase this post because I feel like I owe this website at least one post as to inform everyone out there that I’m still existent in this world.

Incomplete Thoughts of the Mind

So all these stories and movies that you see about life having a happy ending? The reason that we read all these fictional novels and get into it so much might be the fact that we know that something like that doesn't exist in the world. That way, we try to hold on to small flicker of hope that's barely there. But happy endings in reality? Not going to happen because everything is not a cliche nor is anything ever perfect. Quite the way to start this, isn't it?

Imagine having that one person who would be with you whenever you needed them no matter where it was and what time it was. Yes, that means even at 4:30AM while I am typing this. That one person who would confront you about everything and tell you never-endings tales about their life and tell you honestly how you look in that outfit. The person who could talk to you about everything and anything.That one person who would make you feel like you're special; like life is actually worth living and all these things that bring us down in life are so petty compared to the happiness he can give you. So, yes, it's usually a person of the opposite gender. Sure, it can also be the person of the same sex, but it really depends on various things.

Suppose you did have such a person really, and they were just a really close friend. Someone you could trust and talk to openly. What if the feelings developed from one side, but not the other? What if one confessed and one became confused? What if he was stolen away from you when you thought he would be yours forever? What if the realization sunk in when it was too late? That at least one thing every day had to remind you of that person. That you can't get through the day without hearing his voice even once.That you look forward to the next time that you hear his voice or see him again? What if you find out that your feelings might have changed and you had just noticed it a bit too late? What if you wanted the feelings to erase so that he might be happy with someone else? What if you don't even know if the emotions going on through your heart are real or not?

Well, that would pretty much just suck now, wouldn't it? Ah, and then there are always those times were you want to spill everything out to this one person who is so close to you, but there's always this thing hanging in the back of your mind. What if their opinion of you changes just because of the few words or confession you might make? What if the revealation you make to them is such that they might not want to be your friend anymore. Or that they just have to share that juicy piece of information with the entire of the city?

[Note: This post was completed at 5:00AM and as I fell asleep, I lost the inspiration to complete the post, but even if it incomplete, but perhaps someday I shall try getting back to it. Someday]

It definetely wouldn't be a secret anymore if it was told.

So I was tagged by Arfoosh and I shall do what it requires:

-The Rules are:[copied and pasted!]
~ Link to the Blogger who tagged you.
~ In your blog, post The Rules and...
~ Six quirky but unspectacular factoids about yourself
~ Tag six other bloggers by linking to them
~ Go to each person's blog, and leave a comment that lets them know they've been tagged.
~ Let me know you've done this tagged post too!

----> Putting eyeliner is an extremely hard task for and on me because I keep twitching due to the fact that I feel like the person is on the verge of poking in my eye. Neither can I put eyeliner on myself. I suppose we weren't meant to be.
----> If and when I'm addicted to the song, I'll constantly listen to that only song so that I can get it out of my system. That or sometimes I just try to listen to other songs so I can get that song out of my head.

----> I love going to shops and trying on differerent outfits and taking random pictures. And at times, I prefer winbow shopping to actual shopping. Ands I love going to stores/shops/ places with people, but almost never by myself.

----> I usually understand most things or people, so when I don't, it frustrates me to no end and I must figure them/it out no matter what. For example, a Maths problem that I should know, I will keep trying to solve it until I figure it out. Or a person that is interesting whose thoughts or feelings/emotions I can't figure out.

----> My dreams and/or nightmares are so realistic most of the time that sometimes I can't tell them apart from reality and can't get myself to wake up from them and it takes a person quite a lot of energy to wake me up then.

----> I have a birthmark on the back of my left hand and I'm proud of it because it's a unique feature that separates me from the next person. There's a story behind this actually.

Only after I finished this list, I got 2 more of these facts in my head, but as it doesn't require anymore, I'll spare you guys.

I tag:- Ruby, Nainou, Mari, Arfoosh and whoever else feels like doing this

Heaven's gates refuse to open up for me.

There are so many people in the world- each one of them is a different individual, so in the end, why do they all try to copy each other?Why is it so that people must hide so much just to keep up their status or their reputation?Why is it that honestly is something that is extremely hard to find nowadays?Every person has feelings and values, so why is it that some people ignore them and still hurt another person intentionally?Why is it that because you're not like the next person around the corner you're labeled to be a bad person and automatically don't fit it.

Yeah. Me musing on life's little mysteries. Quite the headache I tell you and the answers are, as usual, never found. I must admit, this entire month has been extremely hectic and I'm not exagerrating one bit. Surprisingly, it's not only due to the fact that my cousins stayed in my house for three weeks. It might be the fact that things were slowly starting to sink inside and things were happening to me. Well, of course they were. That's the whole thing really. At times my life is so dramatic, I truly wish it wasn't. It's almost as if there are the Gods and Goddesses up there watching my life like it's a television show while being amused by it. Ha. Sounds rather depressing when I think about it that way actually.

Something actually hit me today- not counting the door, that is. The fact that I haven't actually been in Texas since an entire year. I'm not talking about a year since I actually stayed there. I'm talking about a year since I went on the little surprise trip I had to go there for business. If I count the time it's been since I moved, I think I'll get even more depressed and that definetely isn't the reason I'm writing this. Ha- a year an a half, or more, since I felt like I actually belonged somewhere. I shalln't bore you with anymore details though, considering you guys deserve more than that since I haven't updated in quite a while.

This year, we started talking our future. Now, that, folks, is a topic that I can ponder on for more than 8 hours and still fail to get an answer. I'm not sure what's going to happen in the future- at all. Everyone has just told me to do whatever I want and the whole thing is that I don't know what I want anymore, especially since I haven't exactly gotten what I've ever wanted- for the most part. Everyone keeps nagging at me- 'you should atleast have an idea of what you want to do'or 'time is running out'Well, you know the phrase- it's easier said than done? Well, it truly is because I actually had an idea back home. So don't get an idea that I've always been clueless and have been totally blank. Now, on the other hand, in this land I'm quite clueless though because whenever I think about something that I want to do in the future, I always run into a thick brick wall. A dead end. What am I to do? Think, think; they all say. It really doesn't help. The main reason is because my future is connected to someone else's. Only after this one person moves on in life- only then will I be able to actually have an idea of what I will be able to do in reality. I suppose the fact that this is one of the reasons my life and personality are completely spontanous. I can't help but wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing as there are pros and cons for everything- especially this situation.

I've been running in circles all day long.

So a few days back, my cousins came over from Laredo on a visit for 3 weeks. They're to be staying in our house of course and due to that reason, I've been rather busy.

Since they arrived to our house at night, they just changed, ate, met my other aunt and went to sleep. They seemed to be to tired for anything, so we didn't do anything that day- well, we did fix the sleeping arrangements. Ha, let's just say that where I sleep, if I turn even a little bit, there's a chance of me falling down the bed.

The next few days were rather eventful, I'd say! On the 25th of September and we were invited to one of my aunt's house to have lunch. We arrived there, fashionably late of course (ha) and started to talk to each other as if we hadn't ever met each other before which was partially true because my cousins haven't been to DUbai in over 8 years. At Aunt Lily's house, the dining table to be specific, I was looking at all the food and, mainly, my aunt's expression. She seemed quite worn out from cooking so much food. It was a feast really- you wouldn't believe the amount of food she cooked! Not to mention her kids barely helped her, so one person doing all that work was just wonderful. And then, as you already know, for the past week or so I've been having this internal debate on whether to continue fasting or not. I mean, I think if I feel doing this, I might as well just stop eating altogether. Ha. There goes my sarcasm. As I said before, I was staring at the food, the debate still going on between my two minds and then I Came to this conclusion 'Why the freaking heck not?'I mean, it's a rather wonderful thought, isn't it? Also, I was thinking that it was the 25th- a pretty nice date. So at 3:15 on the 25th of September2008, I broke my fast for this year. From that time on, I have not fasted anymore. After their house, we walked quite a bit to a place called Meena Bazaar. Their expressions were quite fun to watch when they saw about 12 gold shops with various types of jewelery and designs.Imagine. All this happened in only one day.

The next wasn't resting day either! We did tons of things and my older cousin, after I came out from the shower, decided to put make up on me. Now see, I'm not too fond of this type of thing because it tends not to suit me and it's suppose to ruin your skin. Mine's already ruined, so I really wasn't planning to ruin it anymore. I shrugged in response though; one time makeup couldn't hurt, now could it? See, though, the thing is that we were going to my other aunt's house for lunch and whenever I wear makeup(if I ever do) I only wear it on occassions or special events. Shrugging the thought off, I allowed her to put quite a few things on me. I, of course, tried to be cooperative, but when someone's trying to stick a pencil in your eyeball, it's rather hard. I'd say. Psh.After that, though, I asked her if she could do my hair as well, just for the sake of experimenting. So these are the few things she put on her. A light shade of pink eyeshadow with bits of glitter on it to match my outfit, mascara on the ends of my lashes to emphasize the thickness, a bit of a blush for the cheek-bones as to blend in with the eyeshadow and skin color, and eyeliner for the darkness. Oh, and did I mention that lipstick was put on me too? Well, it was. In addition to my makeup, though, I liked my hair as I used two of my new silver sparkly clips that were put up in a rather different hairstyle- one I can't do on myself. Lunch was delicious, as usual, and I don't think it was just because I Was hungry. A few relatives I wasn't expecting also showed up there, but an hour before we left, two of my uncles launched into an argument about-- you know it. Religion. Can you believe it? I almost got so frustrated that I felt like marching up to them and just telling them off. Yes, my extended family is filled with different branches of religion, so what's wrong with that? Nothing I tell you, but really, the way they were acting was just childish. To accuse another people and tell them that their views and opinions are wrong. Let them be. If they don't want to reason with you, just leave them. How hard is that to do? Well, anyways, after that, we drove to this place called Dragonmart. Now this place is rumored to have 4000 stalls there. Brilliant, isn't it? Sadly, I started getting a bit sad there because everything I was seeing and liking, my parents kept reminding me that I already have too much of. Alright, so I might have a bit too much jewelry or clothes, but does that mean that I can't enjoy those clothes or at least try them on? It doesn't matter I suppose. What's done is done. I enjoyed myself all in all, but it seemed to me that my cousins were highly disappointed as they were expecting something better. Afterwards, we went to a restaurant called Gazebo and I, personally, enjoyed all the 6 dishes we ordered. Romali Roti is the way to go. Ha. So we, being the cool people we are, reached home at about 2 in the morning and somehow fell asleep at 3 in the morning.

Talk about eventful,eh?

Today- the 27th of September was the only day that I actually managed to get some rest. I suppose it was mainly due to the fact that my cousins were out with their relatives for the entire day. I wonder what tomorrow will be like ..Although there's just one problem with all of this- I can't find anytime to study or blog. Also, tomorrow is my friend, Lucy's, 16th birthday.

The 10th post.

I got tagged by Arfa to post a few random facts, so that's exactly what I shall do.

My handwriting changes often depending on what position I'm sitting in and which pen I'm using.
In the supermarkets, I can't stand to see the dead fish.
I mean come on. They're like staring at you and taunting you about their death.
If that made any sense, that is.
I'm a huge people person and love social events/crowds/parties
I might be a bit too pessimistic at times
Sometimes I wish I had contacts.
My moods can change in a fraction of a milli-second.
I get tanned very easily
I would love to travel all around the world.
Especially in airplanes.
Since I just love them for no apparent reason.
Perhaps it's the atmosphere.
Or the games.
Or the music.
Or the food.
Or the pilot and the airhostess.
But I just love travelling in planes.
Dreams. I am obsessed about my dreams.
Or even my nightmares.
I find my them highly amusing.
I find them more entertaining than many shows.
It's probably because I have an extremely huge imagination and they turn out to be very bizzare
At times, it isn't that good.
I also like to remember them and write about them.
But 2-5 minutes after I wake up, I tend to forget about most of it.
I like texting more than I like to talk to people on the phone.
I have a big hate for smoking.
No, that does not mean that if you smoke I will immediately hate you.
I just hate the idea of smoking and everything related to it.
Many people find it surprising as I'm from the States and I've never ever had a puff.
Actually, I'm never planning to either.
You know something else people find surprising?
The fact that I've never had a boyfriend.
Now it's not like I haven't had the chance to get one.
I was just never interested in that sort of a relationship.
And I still am not.
Right- sorry to disappoint you guys.
I tend to tease most of my friends.
I find it amusing and fun.
But I don't like it when others tease/call them names/annoy them
I know lots of songs, but I usually never know the singer or the band.
Even if I like the band, I don't go so much into detail as to know each member's name and lifestory.
The first thing I notice about a person would probably be either their eyes or their hair.
I have wavy hair currently.
I used to have straight long hair.
I want it back.
After this haircut, I'm not planning to cut my hair for a long time
I hate all indian TV dramas. I find them really really annoying and stupid.
I will not sleep before 9PM until I'm extremely tired.
And that's rare.
Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I took comas instead of science.
I take pride in being different.
I wouldn't like to be 'like everyone else'
How boring does that sound?
Like every other person, sometimes I do wish I was in their place instead of being where I am.
I am arguementative.
I won't back down.
I'm a tiny bit rebelious.
I cannot hold grudges.
Unless the person has person has affected me in a very strong way
And that's an extremely rare thing.
Almost all my actions and opinions have a reason behind them.
They aren't formed out of thin air.
My hope in humanity is starting to slowly fade away.
I wish to learn more about different cultures and religions.
I find them really fun and interesting.
I also love experiencing new things and food.
I adore roller coasters.
Especially the huge ones.
They make me smile.
I tend to give nicknames to people.
But usually only to the ones that I usually am around.
I'm extremely talkative.
It's rare to find me quiet.
But that usually means that I'm either caught up in my own thoughts.
Or something happened a while ago and my mood is just a bit off.
But I get back to normal soon after that.
I tend to be sarcastic.
It hurts people sometimes.
But old habits do die hard.
I'd rather take a picture.
Than be in it.
Just because I find myself as the subject of the picture to be boring.
My first impressions of people are almost always right.
And they don't change unless something very drastic happens.
My first impressions to other people tend to suck.
Probably because I refuse to show myself ahead of time.
Not in the U.A.E at least.
But once I get closer to them.
I believe I can start to trust them.
Unfortunately, the trust tends to break just moments later.
Ouch.
I love making people smile and laugh.
It makes me feel as if I've actually done something.
I like fresh squeezed juice more than the ones you buy in the supermarket.
Not because they're healthy.
Because they actually taste good.

Say What?

So, believe it or not, I was pretty excited when I woke up this morning because it was to be my first day in grade 11. At first, I thought there was nothing to look forward to because all my classmates and teachers were to be the same. Then, someone told me that my teachers might change; that surely gave me some hope. So I walked through the same corridor which I did 3 months ago, looking at the same faces that hadn't changed. And then Tarushi came up to me and gave me a news that was to change my year."Miss Mariama(don't even bother correcting my spelling) is your class teacher." I've heard about her and she's said to be strict, but I was okay with that- I mean, even Miss Sindhu was pretty strict. So I just shrugged thinking that my teachers this year were going to be better than the last. After all, the teachers in grade 10 were not that great so even a teacher a little better would satisfy me a lot. What I wasn't expecting when I entered my new class, 11G5, was to hear the sound of Arfa sqeaking and people actually greeting me. That totally brought a grin to my face. I passed by the classroom,shaking hands with a few people here and there. Yes, what disappointed me was the fact that those Arabic chicks hadn't changed and they were still ignoring my presence and the fact that people were ignoring my hand when I extended it for a handshake. So anyways, we chatted here and there and I was way more talkative than usual. I think it's because I was just trying to push everything aside for now. And then Mariamma came strolling inside the class and bam. There went my first impression of her. So I understand that they all have IGs this year, but why do they have to put all the pressure on someone else to be the president or the vice president? Okay, so I admit, I wasn't interested in the class council at all; I have better things to do, but when Arfa was forced to be the president and nobody was listening to her refusing the post, I just couldn't help but feel bad for her so I took up the post of the Vice President. Like I said, I really wasn't interested, but if it'll ease her up a bit, I suppose it isn't too bad. My original plans, actually, for this post was to rant about everything that happened today, but, no, I've changed my mind. You know why? Because I'm the kind of person who can't stay mad at something or someone for too long. I know, it sucks, but I really can't. I usually either forget the reason why I'm angry or my anger just kinda fades away. So that's what happened today. I was angry- pissed, frustrated even when I reached back home.I mean, I went to school with high spirits and a hyper grin, but when I returned, my spirits were totally dampened and I was just feeling nothing. Just a mix of emotions. You know what changed all that? The grin on my little brother's lips when he told me that 'today's day was awesome. our teacher didn't let anyone fight.' Just those few words made my anger slowly vanish. After I changed, I urged him to continue and he told me about his entire day- his friends, his teacher, his class and his principle. As he continued to talk, my anger just totally diminished and then a thought struck me. 'What's the point of being angry anyways? They don't care about the students emotionally. They just want to do their job and get their salaries, so shouldn't I do the same as well? I'll just get some knowledge, try to study and do my exams.' Sounds reasonable, doesn't it? Granted, the anger hasn't vanished completely, but it's barely there now. In just an hour, all of the anger is gone because of a small living being. It almost makes me feel guilty for the past.